My Injectable Medications

I received my new drugs in the mail today. I thought some of you might be curious as to what these injectable medications look like so I decided to post a picture. Never would I have thought I'd be excited about giving myself injections. :)

Finallyyyyyyyy... :D

Today I went to the RE for my baseline appointment. My ultrasound showed that after last month and the birth control pills I'm completely cyst free! WOOHOO! This means we can finally resume treatment. Even better, my doctor agreed to let me go ahead and do the Clomid+injects/hCG/IUI this cycle. This was the best news I could have hoped for today and I am so excited. :D I'm currently on cycle day 3. I will be taking 100mgs of Clomid on cycle days 3-7. Following the Clomid, I will give myself a subcutaneous injection of 75ius of Repronex on days 7, 9 and 11. On CD 12 (June 2), I'll return to the doctor's office for another ultrasound and more blood work which will tell us how many follicles I have and how mature they are. I'll explain the rest of what we'll be doing after my CD 12 appointment.

Just Pondering...

I'm thinking about requesting to skip the Clomid/hCG/IUI next month and go straight to Clomid+Injects/hCG/IUI which we were going to do the second month if Clomid/hCG/IUI doesn't work. Ever since I was given our plan, I've only seen the Clomid/hCG/IUI as a step we would have to take only in order to get to something that would actually work for us. I'm just not very optimistic about it at all. The cost of Clomid/hCG/IUI is $800 and the cost of Clomid+Injects/hCG/IUI is $1,000, with much better odds at achieving pregnancy. I'd rather just spend $200 more and have better odds right away, than waste an entire $800 and another cycle on something my gut is telling me won't work for us anyway...

Delays, Delays, Delays...

Well, I went to the doctor this morning as planned. During my ultrasound, we discovered a large cyst on my left ovary. This means another month of waiting for us. I will have to take birth control pills this cycle to shrink it. Kind of ironic huh?..........

However, I did get our game plan! Next cycle, if we find that my cyst is gone at my baseline appointment, we will finally begin. The first treatment cycle will consist of taking five days of an oral medication, Clomid, from CD 3-7. Then, I will return on CD 12 for another ultrasound and blood work to check my follicle size and maturity. If everything looks good, and I have a mature follicle on my left side (my good side), I will go home and inject myself with an hCG "trigger" shot to induce ovulation. The next morning I will return to the doctor to have my IUI.

All of this costs a lovely $800+. I just love paying $298 monthly for insurance coverage only to have them slap me in the face by not covering what I NEED them to cover most simply because it's not "medically necessary." But hey... whatever it takes, it'll be more than worth it in the end!

A Clean Slate...

I started a new cycle yesterday. This officially makes it my 6th post surgery cycle. I will go to the doctor tomorrow (Cycle Day 3) for my baseline ultrasound and blood work. If all is well, we will begin treatments this cycle! :) I'm very excited to begin and will post tomorrow after my appointment with the details!

What God meant when He gave me infertility...

Many people aren't sure how to handle their infertile friends or family members. They don't know what to say (without realization, most are woefully uninformed on what they shouldn't say), how to help or whether or not to ask questions. Please, if you know someone dealing with this heart wrenching issue, take five minutes to read the "infertility etiquette" on the right side of the page posted under "My favorite links." I challenge you to read the ENTIRE thing and really take what you read to heart. I guarantee this will change the way you view infertility and help you in dealing with "infertiles."

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Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." Of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."

Tears and Hope...

I've started a new cycle today, so on to post surgery cycle number five. We have now tried for the 4-6 months recommended to us by Dr. London following my surgery. We will begin infertility treatments in April... HOPEFULLY!!

Infertility is Exhausting...

On to post surgery cycle number 4........ Will this ever end? I'm losing my optimism. I'm ready to go back to the RE and get aggressive with this. I have a hard time sitting back and letting things happen "naturally" when I know there are more successful options I could be pursuing. The end of post surgery cycle number 3 has hit me hard. The "implantation dip" and triphasic pattern on my basal body temperature chart teased me into believing that it was finally my turn to get my positive pregnancy test. Blah, just blahhhhh!

Post Operative Appointment :)

This morning I sat astounded on cloud nine as my doctor confirmed all of the amazing news that I was hoping to find out today. Everything I was told this morning was a repeat of what I heard twelve days ago, but it was not until today that I let my guard down and allowed myself to ponder the unfamiliar possibilities. I cannot fully explain why I was so astonished except for the fact that in dealing with infertility, I have unwittingly trained myself to be a pessimist. In regards to the emotional aspect of this journey, it seems much easier to receive bad news when I fail to allow myself to expect the opposite. Dr. London is very optimistic about my prognosis and at this point it's hard to keep my own optimism at bay. It is difficult to allow myself to become hopeful out of fear of disappointment, but for the first time in a long time, I truly am. The relief of knowing that this could all be over soon is almost too much to absorb. After months and months of no answers and disappointment, I'm so relieved to finally have a medical explanation for all of this heartache. I am even more undoubtedly thankful at the possibility of having already corrected the problem through surgery. Just as I was shutting down, I feel like I have been given a reason to stay strong and continue on with my efforts in seeking the privilege of motherhood. Something in my gut is telling me that we are near the end of this poignant roller coaster of emotion. I know this shimmer of hope is merely a glimpse into the relief and absolute joy that I will feel upon seeing that positive test. This new perspective I have been given is certainly a breath of fresh air, but I do ask for your continued prayers for my husband and I.

Laparoscopy Number Two...

As many of you already know, yesterday I had my second laparoscopic surgery along with a hysteroscopy. My doctor had to excise a large cyst in my left ovary because it was triple the size it should be. On the right side, the plan was to do perform a "tubal cannulation" which is where he would go in and manually open the closed fallopian tube. It turns out that my right tube was in such bad shape that he ended up having to remove it completely. It was very swollen and enlarged. It turns out that this enlarged tube is what they had mistaken for an endometrioma on the ultrasound before. Also, my right ovary is really teeny tiny and non-functional, but he still left it alone. He seemed optimistic and while I'm not thrilled at the idea of only having one functioning side, I'm trying to trust his judgment that this is what needed to be done. He wants us to attempt trying to conceive on our own without any infertility treatments for 4-6 months then if nothing happens he will treat me as an "unexplained infertility" patient. This will be treated exactly the same way as endometriosis would have, so nothing new there. It turns out there wasn't any endometriosis like the previous laparoscopy had shown. He said the large cyst and enlarged fallopian tube were very likely the cause of all of the similar symptoms. I go back for my post-op appointment on December 1, and will find out more details then.

As for me, I'm still feeling pretty rough and Percocet is still my bff for the time being. I have four incisions total. One is on my belly button and the other three are under that right around my pelvic area. My right shoulder is very sore as well. This is because the gas they used to inflate my abdomen is trapped there. I was pretty sick to my stomach last night due to the anesthesia, but that seems to have passed now. Since I have arrived home I've pretty much just made it back and forth from the couch to the bed. I did manage to take a shower today though so that's progress. Thanks to all of you for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes. I'm so blessed to have such a loving family and compassionate friends. Love all of you!

Laparoscopy Scheduled...

I went to the doctor yesterday for my pre-op discussion appointment. I will be having laparoscopic surgery again on November 19. I guess we will find out more then... hopefully!

Just Pray...

I had a very prominent dream the night before last that intrigued me to take the next step on this infertility journey of ours. That being said, yesterday I called to make an appointment to go to our RE for my cycle day 3 baselines. Cycle day 3 baselines consist of an ultrasound to observe ones ovaries and find out vital information about them. If all goes well, infertility treatments may begin. This morning I left for the doctor in Shreveport feeling hopeful about the month to come. I didn't really expect anything exciting or out of the ordinary to be found today. The doctor performed the ultrasound and discovered rather quickly that I have a large endometrioma (just google it) on my right ovary. This means that I will have to have yet another laparoscopic surgery in November, only 8 months after the last. It would be pointless for us to go forward with any infertility treatments before the surgery because they wouldn't be successful anyway. The doctor said it was a good thing that I came in when I did, because those continue to grow. Meaning it would have been even worse by next year, when we had originally planned to do this. I have to say that God was looking out for us on that, because never have I had a dream affect my life in the way this one did. I'll spare you the details on my emotional pain at this point, but I will need many prayers to stay strong throughout this.

We Have Answers...

I had my first appointment with the RE yesterday afternoon. I am now officially an infertility patient with severe endometriosis. Dr. London said that my non-functioning, crazy looking tube was a sure sign of it. So why is this a problem? How does this cause infertility? Well, there are a number of reasons. The first reason is that it causes me to only have one good ovary and fallopian tube which is located on my left side. While many people think that is no big deal because there are two, they are wrong. In actuality, endometriosis also causes a number of other problems. First, it makes the environment hostile for sperm to survive. Second, it causes poor egg quality. If the egg and sperm manage to overcome all of that, the fertilized egg has an even harder time implanting because endo causes harsh uterine lining. So basically, this is a big deal. Based on statistics, we have less than a 14% chance of conceiving on our own. Way less, but I'll get to that in a minute!

The positive part of all of this is that with time it can be treated (not cured, but controlled). Another good thing is that we actually know what is causing our infertility. Many couples do not which makes it very difficult to treat. While we need a little time to let all of this sink in, and have not yet decided when to begin, our course of treatment is as follows.

During the first month of treatment, I will have to go in on cycle day 3 to get blood work to check my hormone levels and an ultrasound to check my follicles. (A follicle is the sac that the egg grows in until it is mature). If all looks good, I will take Clomid for five days to stimulate my ovaries. Clomid will only cause one follicle to mature so the risk of multiples really is no more than with the average person. After that, I will go in on CD 10 or 11 and have an ultrasound to determine the maturity of my follicle. If all looks well, I will be sent home with a trigger shot (HCG) to give myself once my follicle reaches 18mm. This trigger shot will cause me to ovulate within the next 36-48 hours. We go in for a IUI the day after the trigger. An IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) is when they take the sperm sample, and inject it directly into my uterus. This helps many more sperm get into the fallopian tube since they don't have so far to travel, especially in the hostile environment that my body creates. With this fertility treatment, we have a 14% chance of conceiving. That's right... 14%! The average couple has a 25% chance each month, so even with this we're still not up there with most people. We will try this two times. If it doesn't work, we'll move on to adding injectables after the Clomid to create more follicles for two months. If that doesn't work, we'll skip the Clomid all together and go straight to injectables. We would only try that once. During this five month treatment period, altogether we will have a 60-70% chance of conceiving. If none of these work, it's time for IVF. I'll explain all of that later. For now, I just have to hold faith that it will, and take it one step at a time. I still believe in miracles.

What you can do... First, pray for us! After all, God is the only one who can create life. Pray that we will have some insurance coverage for this. We are not 100% sure but have good reason to believe that we might have some. With no coverage, each cycle will cost $800-1200. With insurance, it would be around $250. Second, appreciate your children. Nothing hurts an infertility patient more than seeing someone take their children for granted. Most of you have been nothing short of wonderful and supportive and I can't express our appreciation enough. Really, just having someone who will lend an ear is the best thing. You are absolutely entitled to your opinion, simply keep it your own. If we ask for your advice, then feel free to state your opinions, but do so in a kind and considerate manner. Ultimately, this is something that Jason and I are facing so at this point, we have to do what is best for us.

A very informative and somewhat humorous link:

Just copy and paste.

http://www.tryingtoconceive.com/annoy.htm

We're Getting Serious...

Well everyone, I called this morning and made my appointment with the RE (that's Reproductive Endocrinologist). Jason and I will be paying Dr. London a visit on July 13. I'm beyond ready for this. It's time to get this show on the road. We need to figure out what's really going on here! This isn't something I'm willing to take lightly. Please continue to pray for us.

We're Home...

Well, we're home from vacation. We had an amazing time. Fortunately but unfortunately, our flight was canceled Thursday so we ended up leaving a day later than expected. Because of this, I miss my progesterone blood draw that was scheduled for Friday. The only day they are really able to get the information they need is CD 21 so we were already pushing it by scheduling it for CD 22. I know my body though, and all signs are saying that I did in fact ovulate, so the medicine did it's job well. I'll let you know more when I know more.

So It Begins...

I can't believe it's already been over a month since my last post. As you all know, we've been very busy with finals and trying to get moved into our new house.

While I'm not entirely optimistic about it, we've decided to try using Clomid again. This is an ovulation inducing drug. We already know based on previous blood work that my body won't ovulate on it's own. My regular obgyn is able to prescribe this so we won't have to see the RE just yet. Truthfully, we really won't have the time until late July. Clomid is just an oral drug that is relatively cheap and doesn't have the increased chance of multiples like the more advanced medicines.

I will begin taking the drug on cycle day 5 and continue until cycle day 9. Then I go in for blood work on cycle day 21 to check my progesterone levels. This will in turn tell us if I ovulated or not. If my levels are over 15, that indicates a good chance of ovulation. If they're over 15, then we will know which dosage will work with my body for now. If not, then they up my dose and go for round two. I'll actually be going for my Progesterone test on June 12. That's the day after we get back from our vacation to Cabo.

I'll post more when I find out more! Don't forget to pray for us and all of the other couples faced with this. After all, God is the only one who can help us with this.

Our Story

Some of you know of our journey thus far, and some of you do not. Until now, I haven't really felt much need to talk a whole lot about it. I've found infertility to be a subject many women prefer to keep a secret. Many find it an embarrassing topic. To some extent, it is a very embarrassing emotional and physical journey. It's something the world is extremely uninformed about. Many women find the subject to be too painful to talk about. If I can help one couple by telling of our journey, this will be worth it. I'm just going to begin with our most recent news.

Based on my health history, my doctor thought there was a high chance of me having Endometriosis. We had planned to wait until summer before taking the next steps in this journey. After a terrible menstrual cycle and a visit with my OBGYN I was informed that the sooner we went ahead with this, the better. On March 13, 2009 I had Laparoscopic surgery and a Chromotubation (this is similar to a HSG) performed to find out more information on our situation.

The Lord blessed me with an abnormally speedy recovery. At my 2 week follow up, I was told that they found a mild case of Endometriosis. This partially explains my horrible menstrual cycles. I was prepared for the news because it was already suspected and the sole purpose for having the procedures in the first place. The good news is, my doctor was able to laser off what she did find. While Endometriosis is an incurable disease, there are many successful treatments for it.

What we weren't prepared for was finding out that the dye they injected during my Chromotubation didn't make it through my right fallopian tube. This indicates blockage of the fallopian tube. If my fallopian tube is blocked, sperm can't reach my eggs to fertilize them. Based on the photographs obtained through the Laparoscopy, it could be easily observed why. My entire right ovary and fallopian tube are all bunched up. The tube is kinked up and there was no way that dye would have been able to make it through there. My doctor attributes most of my problems to this.

Obviously, I was devastated by this news. When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, it wasn't a doctor, an astronaut, a veterinarian... all I wanted to be was a mommy. I feel that God put that desire in my heart for a reason. Now all we can do is trust in Him and His power to bless us with the children that we know He already has picked out especially for us. Our next step will be to visit a Reproductive Endocrinologist in Shreveport for further diagnostic testing later in the summer. On the bright side, there are two of each of these organs. Luckily, my left ovary and fallopian tube is 100% healthy. We consider this a blessing and very welcomed news! My doctor has no doubts that we will eventually be able to conceive, it's just going to take longer than usual.

So there you have it. This is the source of my stress. Yes, I'm working, moving and I'm a full time student but none of these things even stand up to the stress and worry caused by the bigger journey we are facing. Many of you have asked why we never fight, how we are such a strong couple and how we have such devout trust in each other. Now you know, it's because we have to. We're not perfect nor do we claim to be. Believe me we do get short with each other sometimes. but when you're facing a struggle bigger than you, you learn to let the little things go and put all of your trust and love into God first and then into each other second.

My reason for this blog is to inform the world on the struggles faced by so many couples, to update my friends and family on our journey and to ask you to lift us and all of the couples struggling with this in prayer. As some of you may know, these tests and treatments are not covered by insurance companies and do add up rather quickly.

Please join us on our journey in becoming parents.
Thank you! =]






Jenny was my best friend. Went away one summer. Came back with a secret She just couldn't keep. A child inside her, Was just too much for her So she cried herself to sleep.
And she made a decision Some find hard to accept. To young to know that one day She might live to regret.
But I would die for that. Just to have one chance To hold in my hands All that she had. I would die for that.
I've been given so much, A husband that I love. So why do I feel incomplete? With every test and checkup We're told not to give up. He wonders if it's him. And I wonder if it's me.
All I want is a family, Like everyone else I see. And I won't understand it If it's not meant to be. Cause I would die for that. Just to have one chance To hold in my hands All that they have. I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like To bring a dream to life. For that kind of love, What I'd give up! I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive, With all that I've got, And all I've achieved, What I want most Before my time is gone, Is to hear the words "I love you, Mom."
I would die for that. Just to have once chance To hold in my hands What so many have I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like To bring a dream to life. How I would love What some give up. I would die ... I would die for that