Some of you know of our journey thus far, and some of you do not. Until now, I haven't really felt much need to talk a whole lot about it. I've found infertility to be a subject many women prefer to keep a secret. Many find it an embarrassing topic. To some extent, it is a very embarrassing emotional and physical journey. It's something the world is extremely uninformed about. Many women find the subject to be too painful to talk about. If I can help one couple by telling of our journey, this will be worth it. I'm just going to begin with our most recent news.
Based on my health history, my doctor thought there was a high chance of me having Endometriosis. We had planned to wait until summer before taking the next steps in this journey. After a terrible menstrual cycle and a visit with my OBGYN I was informed that the sooner we went ahead with this, the better. On March 13, 2009 I had Laparoscopic surgery and a Chromotubation (this is similar to a HSG) performed to find out more information on our situation.
The Lord blessed me with an abnormally speedy recovery. At my 2 week follow up, I was told that they found a mild case of Endometriosis. This partially explains my horrible menstrual cycles. I was prepared for the news because it was already suspected and the sole purpose for having the procedures in the first place. The good news is, my doctor was able to laser off what she did find. While Endometriosis is an incurable disease, there are many successful treatments for it.
What we weren't prepared for was finding out that the dye they injected during my Chromotubation didn't make it through my right fallopian tube. This indicates blockage of the fallopian tube. If my fallopian tube is blocked, sperm can't reach my eggs to fertilize them. Based on the photographs obtained through the Laparoscopy, it could be easily observed why. My entire right ovary and fallopian tube are all bunched up. The tube is kinked up and there was no way that dye would have been able to make it through there. My doctor attributes most of my problems to this.
Obviously, I was devastated by this news. When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, it wasn't a doctor, an astronaut, a veterinarian... all I wanted to be was a mommy. I feel that God put that desire in my heart for a reason. Now all we can do is trust in Him and His power to bless us with the children that we know He already has picked out especially for us. Our next step will be to visit a Reproductive Endocrinologist in Shreveport for further diagnostic testing later in the summer. On the bright side, there are two of each of these organs. Luckily, my left ovary and fallopian tube is 100% healthy. We consider this a blessing and very welcomed news! My doctor has no doubts that we will eventually be able to conceive, it's just going to take longer than usual.
So there you have it. This is the source of my stress. Yes, I'm working, moving and I'm a full time student but none of these things even stand up to the stress and worry caused by the bigger journey we are facing. Many of you have asked why we never fight, how we are such a strong couple and how we have such devout trust in each other. Now you know, it's because we have to. We're not perfect nor do we claim to be. Believe me we do get short with each other sometimes. but when you're facing a struggle bigger than you, you learn to let the little things go and put all of your trust and love into God first and then into each other second.
My reason for this blog is to inform the world on the struggles faced by so many couples, to update my friends and family on our journey and to ask you to lift us and all of the couples struggling with this in prayer. As some of you may know, these tests and treatments are not covered by insurance companies and do add up rather quickly.
Please join us on our journey in becoming parents.
Thank you! =]
Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.
And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.
But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.
I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.
All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.
Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."
I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that
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Courtnee,
ReplyDeleteI will definitely keep you guys in my prayers. I am so glad that you and Jason are putting your faith in God in this situation and trusting Him with the outcome. It was really inspiring to read that and see how you are handling such a difficult situation. I truly believe that things will turn out for the best and that y'all will have a beautiful family, regardless of how you have children. Thanks for sharing that, I had no clue that anything like that was going on. You are a strong, amazing woman! :)
Hey, there is another youtube like this one - but it's from a church service where people come out with different issues, and then flip it over with their miracles! The last one says something like, was told that they could never have children. The husband flips his over and says, just adopted a baby boy, and then the wife flips over hers and says, "just found out I'm pregnant"
ReplyDeleteGod is awesome, so I know that He will work a miracle for you. I will be praying for you. You have been SO strong - I had no idea you were going through so much this semester!!!!
Wow... I definitely read ALL of that and almost cried... I would have cried if no one was around, but I cant cry infront of other people or the kids...... Well, I knew most of all of that and Idk, Idk what to say... I wish isurance did cover everything and I wish that you weren't having so many issues in that journey. It makes me sad in a way. I dont want to explain because I'm sure you've thought about it before. I miss you chick. And if you ever need someone to talk to or anything, I'm here. I love you so much.
ReplyDeletei'm really sorry to hear that. But i know that god will do what is best and hopefully bless you with a baby. you would be a great mother.
ReplyDeleteyour blog brought me to tears. I know I am so lucky to have been blessed with a child. And I wish you that very same filling. Courtnee I know that you would be a terrific mommy and that you want to be so bad. God works in mysterious ways. He has already blessed you with children in your life and I know that their will be more. Please dont ever be discouraged. Your travels are those of sorrow but you can still see the hope, and that takes a very special person to see that. Your faith is an inspiration. I just know that soon your struggles will end and you will be the best mommy and child could ask for.
ReplyDeleteThanks Courtnee. I wasn't aware. I will join you on this journey interceding for you! Your desire is a godly one. The trial is allowed by God for your advancement and His glory. Don't give up! Love ya lots!!!
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