Jeremiah 29:11

Jeremiah 29:11

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Post Operative Appointment :)

This morning I sat astounded on cloud nine as my doctor confirmed all of the amazing news that I was hoping to find out today. Everything I was told this morning was a repeat of what I heard twelve days ago, but it was not until today that I let my guard down and allowed myself to ponder the unfamiliar possibilities. I cannot fully explain why I was so astonished except for the fact that in dealing with infertility, I have unwittingly trained myself to be a pessimist. In regards to the emotional aspect of this journey, it seems much easier to receive bad news when I fail to allow myself to expect the opposite. Dr. London is very optimistic about my prognosis and at this point it's hard to keep my own optimism at bay. It is difficult to allow myself to become hopeful out of fear of disappointment, but for the first time in a long time, I truly am. The relief of knowing that this could all be over soon is almost too much to absorb. After months and months of no answers and disappointment, I'm so relieved to finally have a medical explanation for all of this heartache. I am even more undoubtedly thankful at the possibility of having already corrected the problem through surgery. Just as I was shutting down, I feel like I have been given a reason to stay strong and continue on with my efforts in seeking the privilege of motherhood. Something in my gut is telling me that we are near the end of this poignant roller coaster of emotion. I know this shimmer of hope is merely a glimpse into the relief and absolute joy that I will feel upon seeing that positive test. This new perspective I have been given is certainly a breath of fresh air, but I do ask for your continued prayers for my husband and I.