UMM WHAT?!?!

Today I went for my CD2 baseline ultrasound. To say that things didn't go well would be a serious understatement.

First off, I have a 46x38mm cyst on my left ovary. My doctor believes this cyst will take 8-12 weeks to shrink and go away because of it's size. Just like before, this means TTC will be put on hold until the cyst is gone. Luckily, this time I won't have to take birth control pills. I HATE those things, they make me literally nuts.

After my laparoscopy in November, we were told that my doctor had to remove my right fallopian tube. We were assured however, that my left tube was open and along with my left ovary, 100% healthy. All these events can be tracked just by reading previous posts in my blog. At this ultrasound appointment today, while I was asking my doctor questions I was informed that my one "good" tube on the left side isn't so "good" after all. Yes it's open, but apparently that doesn't mean it's healthy. Apparently, it isn't healthy at all. Apparently this little sucker is sick and abnormally shaped. Apparently my doctor knew this back in November. SO WHY WASN'T I INFORMED???????????????

GET THIS! I don't have unexplained infertility. Nope, I have "tubal factor infertility." 

Even worse, turns out our chances of conceiving on injectable medication with IUI are no higher than our odds of conceiving with no medical intervention at all. WTF!!! I mean I guess if you take into account that I had 2 follicles instead of one, the chances improve a little, but basically it would be about the same as our odds if we just tried naturally for two months. If my fallopian tube is a toxic environment for sperm, eggs and embryos, it most likely won't end well even if a sperm does manage to reach an egg. So that's crap and my odds suck. My question is why on earth have I been paying thousands of dollars for monitoring and medicine, not to mention injecting myself in the stomach and ass for the past two months for NOTHING!? I am livid about this. Is somebody money hungry...? Perhaps but I'd hate to point fingers.......

And lastly, because of this sick tube my odds of having a tubal pregnancy increase to about 15%. SUPER!

Now let me tell you what all this information means. Fortunately, tubal factor infertility patients are excellent, if not the best candidates for IVF. Lucky (if I dare say it) for me, my uterus is "beautiful" and my egg quality is "excellent." That I have been told by two different doctors. At least I have that going for me. If you're not familiar with how IVF works, it is the only fertility treatment that bypasses fallopian tubes completely. With IVF, fertilization and early embryo development that usually happen inside the fallopian tube, take place outside of the body in a lab. They then transfer the resulting healthy mature embryos back into the uterus. At this point, it's up to God whether the embryo will implant itself into the uterine lining and result in pregnancy. People are misinformed and believe that this will cause a litter of babies, but that isn't true. Actually, IVF is a lower risk of high order multiples than IUI because they only transfer a certain number of embryos based on each patients individual case. I would assume on me they would transfer two meaning no more that twins at best. That is unless the hypothetical embryos decided to split and create an identical twin, but the risk of that is no more than the average person.

Anyway, IVF is very expensive and not covered by my grand ol' insurance plan so we will be saving up for a while. At the very least it would cost us around $10,000 but usually costs much more. Anyone care to donate? Sadly enough, I'm not even kidding............... I guess I'm officially desperate.

At this point, we agree it would be a wise decision to see another RE for a second opinion. My mom's already done the research for me and found a clinic in Dallas that is among the top 10 in the US. I plan to make an appointment immediately. It usually takes months to get in so I expect to wait a while. Story of my freaking life. I'll probably make an appointment with a mental health professional in the meantime (not a joke). Why the hell not? Pretty sure I'm losing it. Thanks infertility!

I don't even want to talk about my emotions. There aren't sufficient words anyway.