Four

I got my HCG beta results back from my test last Wednesday, December 30. It was a 4. Less than 5 is considered a negative result. I'm finally closing this chapter of my life. It's a relief, but to be completely honest I'm also a little sad. Life goes on and people move on and I still feel stuck in this one moment. Even my body has effectively erased any physical evidence of her existence aside from the gaping hole in my heart. I'm still waiting to stop bleeding, so I can start a normal cycle. It's been 7 weeks now exactly. In the meantime, I have to make the phone call to my fertility specialist to get the ball rolling again. I'm ready to have complete closure, but I'm just not ready for all of the steps it's going to require. I'm emotionally ready to try again, but physically I just don't feel like it.