The worst thing that could happen, is happening. God took away my Christmas miracle. I found out yesterday that my hCG levels are decreasing. On Tuesday they were at a 24.5 which is lower than usual, but as long as they double in two days it is okay. Mine didn't double. They actually dropped to an 11. My doctor told me I could discontinue my progesterone and estradiol and I would miscarry within a few days. However, I began spotting soon after that conversation ended. I hadn't yet stopped any of my medications but I guess my body just knew.
I don't really have much else to say. I am still in a state of shock that this is actually happening to me after everything we've been through. I have many, many questions and emotions in my head. I will never understand. I thought this was finally over. I thought this new year would offer hope, excitement and the start of a whole new chapter. But here we are, back to square one...
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am due September 6, 2011!
Shhhhhhhhh... It's a secret for now! We just found out this morning! I wanted those of you who have followed my blog and prayed for us along the way to know before the public announcement is made. There are no words to properly describe the euphoria I am currently feeling! I always imagined this post to be so eloquently thought out but the truth is my brain isn't even functioning! I'm way too excited and shocked to say much more than "OMG!!!" (Which has come out of my mouth 7,453,742 times today!) I feel so incredibly blessed. God has given me the absolute best Christmas miracle I could have ever hoped for!!
I have decided at this point to discontinue posting at this blog address. I want this to be a resource for those struggling with infertility, that they may find some sort of renewed hope and support in it. I feel like I'm turning a page in my life, so it's time for me to do the same here. I will create a brand new blog dedicated to our little bean in the making and that's where I'll share all of our news to come. I will be sure and post a link as soon as I do.
Shhhhhhhhh... It's a secret for now! We just found out this morning! I wanted those of you who have followed my blog and prayed for us along the way to know before the public announcement is made. There are no words to properly describe the euphoria I am currently feeling! I always imagined this post to be so eloquently thought out but the truth is my brain isn't even functioning! I'm way too excited and shocked to say much more than "OMG!!!" (Which has come out of my mouth 7,453,742 times today!) I feel so incredibly blessed. God has given me the absolute best Christmas miracle I could have ever hoped for!!
I have decided at this point to discontinue posting at this blog address. I want this to be a resource for those struggling with infertility, that they may find some sort of renewed hope and support in it. I feel like I'm turning a page in my life, so it's time for me to do the same here. I will create a brand new blog dedicated to our little bean in the making and that's where I'll share all of our news to come. I will be sure and post a link as soon as I do.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Transfer Day
Last Friday, we went for our embryo transfer. By day three, we only had one of our embryos left to transfer. It wasn't the news we had hoped for, but we are thankful for that one. It wasn't the best quality embryo ever, but it has potential. It was an 8-10 cell embaby with slightly irregular cell sizes. Ideally, each of the 8-10 cells inside the embryo would be very similar in size. Today is day 5 and our embaby should be a blastocyst at this point, so I'm praying that is the case! Below are two pictures (same embryo) taken before the transfer Friday.
On another note, something has gone horribly wrong with my progesterone in oil injections. I'm having some sort of reaction to them. They hurt pretty bad last time but it's not even comparable to what I'm feeling now. I think I know what it feels like to be donkey kicked in the back (five nights in a row). I have an enormous lump going from my spine to my hip and it hurts to lay, sit, stand, walk or do anything. I have an unusually high pain tolerance, so I know something is wrong here. This agonizing pain led me to call my doctor's emergency line tonight and thankfully he agrees and is going to switch me to vaginal suppositories tomorrow. PHEW!
On another note, something has gone horribly wrong with my progesterone in oil injections. I'm having some sort of reaction to them. They hurt pretty bad last time but it's not even comparable to what I'm feeling now. I think I know what it feels like to be donkey kicked in the back (five nights in a row). I have an enormous lump going from my spine to my hip and it hurts to lay, sit, stand, walk or do anything. I have an unusually high pain tolerance, so I know something is wrong here. This agonizing pain led me to call my doctor's emergency line tonight and thankfully he agrees and is going to switch me to vaginal suppositories tomorrow. PHEW!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Fertilization Report
Yesterday morning I had my egg retrieval. They retrieved only seven eggs this time. I was very down and out yesterday because I was told that once again my eggs were too dark and very abnormal looking. I pretty much counted myself out for this cycle right then and there.
BUT by some miracle, two of my eggs actually looked normal which is a first!!! So, it looks like I'm back in the game for now. Of my total of seven eggs, they fertilized four of them using ICSI and the other three fertilized by normal IVF. Out of the four attempted to be fertilized by ICSI, one was really bad and incapable of being fertilized. One had vacuoles and is developing slowly. The other two were the normal looking eggs and they both fertilized and are looking great. Out of the three other eggs fertilized by IVF, one had vacuoles and the other two are degenerating which means they are hopeless. So out of the seven total, we still have the two excellent ICSI embryos and the two with vacuoles. The embryologist said the chance of the ones with vacuoles being viable is low, but it could happen. We will do the transfer on day three which is Friday morning. We will for sure transfer the two great embryos and possibly all four if they are all still growing. Like I said, the odds of the two with vacuoles even developing to day three is low and the chance of them developing into a healthy pregnancy is slim to none. They won't cryopreserve embryos with vacuoles so our choice is to either transfer them now or discard them. We're certainly not going for quads here, but we need to give it all we've got.
We are doing a day three transfer this time because of the quantity. Day 5 blastocyst transfer is the better option when there are still too many eggs to choose from on day three. In that case, they wait until day 5 in order to choose the one or two healthiest looking embryos. However, it would be pointless for us to wait until day 5 this time. This is because we have a small enough amount that we will transfer them all back regardless. I feel like the sooner they are back inside their natural environment, the better.
BUT by some miracle, two of my eggs actually looked normal which is a first!!! So, it looks like I'm back in the game for now. Of my total of seven eggs, they fertilized four of them using ICSI and the other three fertilized by normal IVF. Out of the four attempted to be fertilized by ICSI, one was really bad and incapable of being fertilized. One had vacuoles and is developing slowly. The other two were the normal looking eggs and they both fertilized and are looking great. Out of the three other eggs fertilized by IVF, one had vacuoles and the other two are degenerating which means they are hopeless. So out of the seven total, we still have the two excellent ICSI embryos and the two with vacuoles. The embryologist said the chance of the ones with vacuoles being viable is low, but it could happen. We will do the transfer on day three which is Friday morning. We will for sure transfer the two great embryos and possibly all four if they are all still growing. Like I said, the odds of the two with vacuoles even developing to day three is low and the chance of them developing into a healthy pregnancy is slim to none. They won't cryopreserve embryos with vacuoles so our choice is to either transfer them now or discard them. We're certainly not going for quads here, but we need to give it all we've got.
We are doing a day three transfer this time because of the quantity. Day 5 blastocyst transfer is the better option when there are still too many eggs to choose from on day three. In that case, they wait until day 5 in order to choose the one or two healthiest looking embryos. However, it would be pointless for us to wait until day 5 this time. This is because we have a small enough amount that we will transfer them all back regardless. I feel like the sooner they are back inside their natural environment, the better.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Quick Update
I just wanted to write a little update. I haven't felt up to blogging every little detail, but I'm nearing the end of my stimulation medications. I was supposed to begin them on December 4th, but I was actually able to a little sooner on December 2nd. I'm at the "I feel like I've been hit by a truck" stage. I have been going to Dallas every other day since the middle of last week. This Saturday, I have another ultrasound. Hopefully I'll do my hCG injection that evening which would put my egg retrieval on Monday.
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